Thoughts

I got a post card from a friend who is working in Hawaii.  I have learned that another friend will be going there soon to work.  I could say that I was jealous, but I know that I am not able to work anymore and that would be the only way I could go.  I have several traveling buddies that have gone to Hawaii to work and loved every minute of being there.  All of them much younger than me, but I have managed to keep in contact by mail, fb, e-mail, etc.  One of my favorite is in Hawaii now.  This is her second assignment there in the last 6 months.  I would venture to say if I were dead, she would be my re-incarnation.   She is more like me than my own children are.  She has been born in the wrong generation.  She would fit right in with mine.  She is like me in the way that I was in the 60's and 70's.  She is a free spirit who is not afraid to try new things.  She enjoys life to the fullest and fills every minute with a new memory.  She has traveled to Alaska with 2 assignments there.  I love looking at her pictures and seeing things through her eyes.  She gets so excited about everything.  She is such a pleasant person and would do anything for you.  She makes friends easily.  Back in the day, I guess she would be called "a wild child."  I have worn flowers in my hair, bell bottoms with peace signs all over them (by the way, the peace sign is still my favorite of all things),  killed a few brain cells (for medicinal purposes only, of course), and drank my share of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill, snuck a little white lightning in there on occasion.  What stories she will be able to tell her grandchildren.  It is so fulfilling to be able to do things that you want to do.  I miss that about being young.  Don't get me wrong.  Aging is a normal thing but no one said you had to enjoy it!  Do not ever take freedom for granted.  Take advantage of any and all adventures when you are young.  Set and meet your goals while you can.  It's not like I have to check my social calendar to make a Dr.'s appoinment.  There was a time when I would have to.  Now I pretty much do what I want.  I look at that as a good thing.  My health is not the greatest, but it could be much worse.   I go to an awesome church and have an awesome church family.  I am blessed each and everyday.  I have good and caring friends.  I am satisfied with my life, and life is good.  Till next time...

Long time since I've been here.  Cut my hand on some craft shears tonight.  Couldn't get the bleeding stopped.  Not a very big cut.  V-shaped and in the pad (palm side) below my ring finger.  Beth couldn't find any steri-strips or Dermabond (special glue for cuts) in my medical supply stash.  SSSSOOOO had to go to the ER at RMC to get a couple of stitches.  That place was packed.  This was 9 p.m.  There was a guy there with a fishing lure in his head.  I asked him if he was trying to start a new trend for people who like piercings.  There was a woman there that was throwing up continuously.  I left at 12:30 a.m. and she was still there.  There was a woman with chest pain who had been waiting 4 hours.  There was a man there with a kidney stone who had been waiting for 4+ hours.  A man with cirrhosis of the liver with fluid in his abd. and high blood pressure who was there before I got there and was finally called to the back a midnight.  Ambulances were coming in at a rate of 3 per hour.  They are having to hold patients in the ER because half of the hospital is closed because of no nurses.  I asked them if they ever heard of travel nurses.  The girl who checked me in said she thought they did.  I told her that I had worked there back in the day in the ER.  That torture lasted about 4 months.  I had a friend who barely got out of orientation and quit (that was in ER too).  The charge nurse was about to pull her hair out.  New grads do not need to start out in the ER.  They need at least a year of working on the floor then move to a critical care area.  There was a male new grad there who came into the triage room (at the time it was my treatment room) to complain about his 4 patients.  I can't remember the last time I took care of only 4 patients in the ER.  She had already changed his patients once.  I would have put him in with 4 of the patients they were holding and let him take care of them.  At least he would learn how the floor works with only a few patients.  What a reality check they get when they get their license.  It is nothing like when you are in school.  All of a sudden critical thinking and judgements calls are your responsibility, and you are responsible for the outcome--not someone else.  No one else to blame your mistakes on.  If you have never worked a critical care area where you have to make life-sustaining or life-threatening decisions in an instant, you have no idea of the stress you are under.  It is so intense.  That was why I worked the ER for so long.  I thrived on those adrenalin rushes when a true emergency came in.  When the ER became a clinic, I knew it was time for me to retire.  That was not what I signed up for.  The triage system is not what I am accustomed to.  You don't let a chest pain sit in the lobby for 4 hours and never once come to check on them.  And besides.  It's not up to me to decide whether it is heart related or not.  That is not in my scope of practice.  Get an EKG, show it to one of the docs to rule out heart attack, explain it to the patient, and put them back in the waiting room.  Someone who has high blood pressure with a history of heart disease needs to be checked every 15-30 minutes to make sure his symptoms aren't escalating.  Someone needs to let the patients in the waiting room know what is going on periodically.  They have a fast track section but never opened it up.  Three fourths of  those waiting could have been seen and discharged in less than 2 hours.  Some things you don't learn in nursing school.  Common sense is one of them.  You can't blame the doctors or nurses for the delays.  There are ambulances coming in who are suppose to get priority.  That where your triage comes in.  If they are not a true emergency, put them in the waiting room and let them wait.  Just because an ambulance brings you is should not determine whether you get a room or not.  People have learned that if they call an ambulance they don't have to wait.  Apparenetly that does not happen at RMC.  I don't understand their triage system.  Because it really is not one.  If patient #1 is not as sick as patient #9, then patient #9 should go before patient #1.  Thanks for letting me vent.  Oh.  They didn't even clean my laceration and steri-stripped it with a gap in the top part.  As soon as I got home, I took off the steri-strips, found some dermabond, and Beth and I glued it back together.  Just thought you would appreciate that.  Have a great day and may God bless.

Family

I went to my Uncle's funeral today.  It was expected but still hard to realize that I will not get to see him again until it's time for me to go home.  I loved him so much.  He was 88 years old and had been in failing health since he fell and broke his hip several years ago.  His elderly wife had gotten where she couldn't lift him anymore, so he convinced her to put him in the Veteran's center near their hometown.  He didn't like being there and wanted to go back home, but knew that was not an option at this point.  He was there for 3 months and never really adjusted.  He missed being at home with his things around him.  He was a faithful husband, a good father, a good man, and the provider for his family.  My sister and I spent most of our childhood at his house with his first wife who preceded him in death and his children.  My parents both worked.  My Aunt did not, so we spent a lot of time with them.  Our cousins were more like brothers and sister rather than cousins.  My first date was with my cousin and her boyfriend just before my sixteenth birthday.  I was not as impressed with my date as much as she was hers.  She later married her date.  I chose never to see mine again.  They had a goat they kept in the backyard.  We used the old washing machine where you put the clothes through a wringer which you operated by turning a handle to wring the clothes out.  We slept on a feather bed which was made from the feathers of the chickens they raised.  We had fresh eggs every morning.  We ate mayonaise and crackers (remember when they came in a big square that broke into four pieces?) for snacks.  My Aunt made the best caramel cake with caramel icing.  They heated with a stove in the living room that burned coal.  My Uncle would get up early in the morning to start the fire so the room would be warm when we got up.  We also cooked on that stove sometimes.  I used to love to shake the ashes down, scoop them up, and put them in the bucket to take outside.  I also liked to put the coal in to burn which was always done under strict supervision.  I don't ever remember getting hurt at his house.  I remember covering the leftover food after a meal with a table cloth which was removed at the next meal.  We hardly ever got sick.  Imagine that.  He always treated me as if I was one of his own.  He had so much love to give and gave it freely.  He was my mother's brother.  I could see so much of my mother in him today.  He was a quiet man and always had a kind word for anyone he came in contact with.  He loved to fish in Reelfoot Lake.  It was a sad day when the time came that he could not do that anymore.  He had always been so active and never missed a day at work.  One of his sons hadn't seen or talked to him in over 20 years.  He did not come to the funeral today either.  He got mad at his dad because he married again several years after his first wife died.  He married a wonderful woman who was good to him and took very good care of him.  She got him back into church, and he was saved.  I had wondered about that all the way to the funeral today, because I didn't know if he was saved or not.  What joy I felt in my heart when I found out that he would walk with God and would see my mother again.  As I walked by the casket for the last time, I bent over and kissed him on his forehead and gave him a gentle touch to his forehead.  I could feel the peace that had come over him.  He had finally gotten what he had been praying for.  He was finally home.  I love you, Uncle Charles.  You will always have that special place in my heart.  Thank you for all the wonderful memories you have given to me and my family.  You may be gone, but you will never be forgotten.

Kisses

Today I am missing kisses from that long tongue of my Emily.  Like most chihuahuas, she had and extremely long tongue.  It stuck out of her mouth most of the time after she had some age on her.  When she licked you, it was like her tongue kept coming and coming out of her mouth.  It was also so slender.  When she slept, her tongue would slip out of her mouth.  As she slept, the tip of her tongue would dry and get cold.  It took her a few seconds to wake up, but then she would put her tongue back into her mouth and lick until the tip of her tongue was moist and warm again.  She would growl at you if you tried to touch it.  I guess when she lost her front teeth, it was harder for her to keep her tongue in her mouth.  I was just thinking about her, like I do quite often know that she is not around.  I have her teeth.  I have some of her hair.  I have some great memories.  I know she is in a better place.  I miss you, precious angel.  You will always have a special place in my heart forever.  You were so much a part of my life for such a long time.  I wil forever miss and love you.

Broken heart

Today my heart is breaking.  My precious Emily Sue is gone to doggy heaven.  I love you so much.  I already miss you, and you've barely been gone an hour.  I know you are in a better place, but it is so hard to let you go.  I have all those wonderful memories of you.  I have many pictures of you.  I have some of your hair, and most of your teeth.  Your last couple of days you spent in excrutiating pain from your arthritis.  Your medication was not working anymore.  You were on the strongest medication available for your condition.  It was so hard to watch you suffer, but even harder to make the decision that had to be made.  I know you were ready.  I could see it in your face.  I love you too much to watch you suffer like you were.  I will never forget the yelps of pain whenever you moved or whenever I tried to pick you up.  I prayed for you and for God to give me the strength to do what needed to be done.  When the Dr. gave you the pain medication, I could see the relief that came over your face.  You were so comfortable and peaceful--something you hadn't experienced in a long, long time.  I think you had been trying to tell me how much pain you were in for awhle, but I was not ready to let you go.  I am still not ready to let you go, but that is not fair to you.  I know that you are not in any pain now.  I can just see you running and jumping in doggy heaven, something you have not been able to do much lately.  You run and jump and play with all your friends, my precious baby.  Meme is there to watch over you until I get there.  You were with her when she died.  She has been waiting for you to come to her.  I love you enough to let you go to that wonderful place where there is not any pain.  A place of beauty where you can enjoy the pleasures of your life that you have not enjoyed for some time now.  I will honor your memory forever.  Never forget that your mother loves you and always will.  Rest in Peace, my baby girl.  You will live in my heart forever.  Until we meet again...

Image

Wonder if there would be eating disorders if "plus size" was the size to be?  If "fat" was the in thing, would people still suffer from anorexia, bulimia, purging, etc.?  I am a plus size senior woman.  I have been plus size most of my life.  I like blingy clothes, I love bright colors, and I like loose fitting clothes.  Very few shops have clothes that I like or feel comfortable in.  I don't want to look like a teen-ager nor do I want to look frumpy because of my age.  Thank goodness for stores like Fashion Bug (my favorite), Cato's, Lane Bryant, and sometimes Wal-mart.  You can 't even find patterns anymore for us "fluffy" women.  Wal-Mart does not have a great variety or selection for us.  I have been in stores where the largest size they carry is 10.  I have been on vacations to places where the largest tourist t-shirt size is large.  Reality Check people and businesses.  We like to patronize your businesses, but we need larger sizes.  And contrary to popular belief, some of us like our sizes.  Imagine walking down the street with a man who is not obsessed by your size!   I know there are men out there who like the larger woman.  I know there are men out there who love their ladies even though they have gained weight.  I know there are men out there who are not embarrassed (my x's excuse) to be seen in public with their ladies.  It does not matter what size you are, most people are consumed with their weight.  I am too big, I am too small, I need to lose weight, I need to gain weight (definitely not my problem), I need to exercise more, I need to drink more water.  Never satisfied.  I know people who have had stomach stapling, bypass surgery, etc.  All of them have gained back most of the weight that they lost through so much suffering.  And they are still as worried about their weight as ever.  It is so hard to lose and keep it off.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could lose it as easy as it was to put it on?  Some of us also have medical problems with meds which can cause weight problems, either the meds, the disease, or both.  Unfortunately, mine are all associated with weight gain.  And as you get older, your metabolism slows down.  So does your energy level, your activity level, your income, etc.  Oh well.  Nobody said it would be easy.  And my EASY button is broken.  May God bless and keep you until we meet again.

Scrapbooking

Ever want to get lost in your thoughts?  How about getting lost in your memories!!!  That is what scrapbooking is all about.  Use your imagination to create beautiful backgrounds for those treasured memories.  Memories that you may have forgotten or just pushed to back of your mind.  Some of those memories bring smiles, some bring tears, some you can't believe really happened, and how in the world did I get that on film?  Isn't it amazing the good things that happened in our lives?  You think to yourself, "How could I have forgotten that?"  I have pictures that can never be replace or reproduced, esp. of my Mom and Dad.  Pictures of relatives that have been long gone or just recently departed.  And you wonder why you didn't take the time to take more pictures of those wonderful people whe had such a profound affect on your life.  My Mom and Dad both had to work to barely make ends meet.  We stayed with relatives and really enjoyed it.  We had cousins to play with.  No video games, not much tv (only could get 3 channels if you could get the antennae turned to keep the picture from fading).  Remember how cold that antennae pole was in the winter.  And we had to turn it with our hands!!!  We rode our bicycles everywhere.  We had roller skates that fit over our shoes.  You had a key to turn to tighten the skates to fit whatever pair of shoes you had on at the time.  Cooking hot dogs and roasting marshmallows over an open fire was only done on the week-ends because that was a real treat for us.  The only place we could afford to eat out was the Dairy Queen.  There weren't that many restaurants back in the day.  Only a few "cafes" scattered over several counties.  We had our 8-balls to answer all our questions about our futures.  We wrote our boyfriends name in all our notebooks (on, in, and anywhere else it would fit).  We wrote Mrs. blank balnk a million times and surrounded it by all sizes of hearts.  We went to church on Sunday's whether we wanted to or not.  You were not given a choice.  We helped to feed the hogs (I loved the sound of them eating corn and mixing the "slop" (a powder you mixed with water) and listening to them slurp it up).  I liked to scratch their backs and watch them wallow in the mud to keep cool in the simmer.  I did not like the winter when time came to slaughter them to make hams and ground sausage and cracklings and bacon.  There was a lot of lard rendering, too.  We used that to cook.   I had to have supper on the table when my parents got off work.  I got 50 cents a week for chores which I did, or my Dad took the belt to my hind end.  That 50 cents had to last all week.  I remember saving dimes to buy me a pair of penny loafers.  I had to borrow a formal from one of my friends to wear to the Prom.  I miss those days when life seemed so simple.  But I don't think I would change any of it if I could.  I wish that our young people could have known those days.  May God bless and keep you each and every day.